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I feel ya mate. I'm bipolar type 1 (the most severe type) and autistic. Once proper meds kicked in, I was so ashamed and so upset by how easy the fix was all along. All my suffering was for nothing. It didn't lead to growth, it didn't lead to improvement. I was just running a marathon with a broken leg all along.
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Working out has a very strong evidence of improving mental health. But, if you don't have mental resource to do that, there is the next best thing — hygiene. Take a shower every day. Brush your teeth twice a day. Wash your face twice a day. Use a face cream. Use a dental floss and a tongue scrubber. Change your bedsheets every week. Clean your room.
Your life cannot not change for the better if you have good hygiene. The evidence is rock solid.
I think Im subconsciously planning my suicide. I already abandoned close relatives and friends. I refuse to work or apply for Jobs. I am lazy and spontaneous. Im back on drugs. I take unnecessary risks. Time is moving fast but slow at the same time. I’m fine with the monotony of slipping down into a deeper hole. I don’t know what hope is. Some days I don’t eat at all or get out of bed. I even started confessing my feelings to people I love but have been scared of. I feel that there is nothing left to do but get rid of this alive feeling and reality as I know it. And related to all of this, I feel apathetic and bored.
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