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Consultant: "you should deploy a website. Use wordpress and have a draft ready in a few days. It's easy."
Me: "It's a static website, a one-pager even. I think we would be better served with something light-weight without a database."
Consultant: "99% of the websites in the entire internet are powered by wordpress. It's state of the art, you should use it"
Me: 😢 "Nooo, it needs mainentance and stuff. Look, XY is much simpler. You can even version the static site with git"
Consultant: 😤
We ended up with wordpress for our static website now. I am so proud. I absolutely love wordpress. It is amazing. Now my static one-pager can have plugins, multiple users, security issues and all that. The future is now!17 -
User: "Hey, can you help me? My program doesn't work."
Consultant: "What is the problem? Are you using Turbo Pascal?"
User: "Yes, the program just blocks the machine."
Consultant: "Well, does it compile?"
User: "I don't know -- it just doesn't run. You see? There's the EXE file. If you run it, it blocks the machine."
Consultant: "And where is your source, the PAS file??"
User: "I wrote it and renamed it to EXE so it could run."5 -
Our AWS Consultant: Do you have the AWS CLI installed?
Me: Brings up the Linux subsystem in Win 10. sudo apt install awscli.
Me thirty seconds later: Yes.19 -
Went to see Jason Bourne last night. No spoilers, but I'm guessing this is how the writers came up with the story:
Writer 1: Let's make it super techie
W2: Yeah, that way it's about current issues, like Internet privacy.
W1: Should we hire a tech consultant so we get things right?
W2: Nah, I saw the Matrix once, I understand computers.
Actual line from film:
"Use SQL to corrupt their database"
😑13 -
You are a consultant and wrote some easy scripts by copying code snippets together?
Good for you!
It makes your job easier?
Good for you!
You didn't care too much about UI because you only needed the job to be done?
That's fine!
BUT DON'T YOU DARE SELL THIS SHIT TO A CUSTOMER AND CALL YOURSELF A SOFTWARE DEVELOPER!
YOU ARE NO DEVELOPER!
YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HOW TO BUILD A RELIABLE SOFTWARE.
no one needs a solid database structure?
Object oriented programming is "just another hype"?
No one cares for the coding?
FUCK YOU, AND YOUR ATTITUDE!7 -
So at the end of last month our complete team was fired because restructuring in the company. We have had this countdown running since the first day we got the news. Ive made this photo yesterday so only 3 days and a few hours to go and then a month of sitting on the bench at my work (Im a consultant and work on project basis for other companies)
4 -
From my work -as an IT consultant in one of the big 4- I can now show you my masterpiece
INSIGHTS FROM THE DAILY LIFE OF A FUNCTIONAL ANALIST IN A BIG 4 -I'M NOT A FUNCTIONAL ANALYST BUT THAT'S WHAT THEY DO-
- 10:30, enter the office. By contract you should be there at 9:00 but nobody gives a shit
- First task of the day: prepare the power point for the client. DURATION: 15 minutes to actually make the powerpoint, 45 minutes to search all the possible synonyms of RESILIENCE BIG DATA AGILE INTELLIGENT AUTOMATION MACHINE LEARNING SHIT PISS CUM, 1 hour to actually present the document.
- 12:30: Sniff the powder left by the chalks on the blackboards. Duration: 30 minutes, that's a lot of chalk you need to snort.
13:00, LUNCH TIME. You get back to work not one minute sooner than 15.00
- 15:00, conference with the HR. You need to carefully analyze the quantity and quality of the farts emitted in the office for 2 hours at least
- 17:00 conference call, a project you were assigned to half a day ago has a server down.
The client sent two managers, three senior Java developers, the CEO, 5 employees -they know logs and mails from the last 5 months line by line-, 4 lawyers and a beheading teacher from ISIS.
On your side there are 3 external ucraininans for the maintenance, successors of the 3 (already dead) developers who put the process in place 4 years ago according to God knows which specifications. They don't understand a word of what is being said.
Then there's the assistant of the assistant of a manager from another project that has nothing to do with this one, a feces officer, a sys admin who is going to watch porn for the whole conference call and won't listen a word, two interns to make up a number and look like you're prepared. Current objective: survive. Duration: 2 hours and a half.
- 19:30, snort some more chalk for half an hour, preparing for the mail in which you explain the associate partner how because of the aforementioned conference call we're going to lose a maintenance contract worth 20 grands per month (and a law proceeding worth a number of dollars you can't even read) and you have no idea how could this happen
- 20:00, timesheet! Compile the weekly report, write what you did and how long did it take for each task. You are allowed to compile 8 hours per day, you worked at least 11 but nobody gives a shit. Duration: 30 minutes
- 20:30, update your consultant! Training course, "tasting cum and presenting its organoleptic properties to a client". Bearing with your job: none at all. Duration: 90 minutes, then there's half an hour of evaluating test where you'll copy the answers from a sheet given to you by a colleague who left 6 months ago.
- 22:30, CHANCE CARD! You have a new mail from the HR: you asked for a refund for a 3$ sandwich, but the receipt isn't there and they realized it with a 9 months delay. You need to find that wicked piece of paper. DURATION: 30 minutes. The receipt most likely doesn't even exist anymore and will be taken directly from your next salary.
- 23:00 you receive a message on Teams. It's the intern. It's very late but you're online and have to answer. There's an exception on a process which have been running for 6 years with no problems and nobody ever touches. The intern doesn't know what to do, but you wrote the specifications for the thing, 6 years ago, and everything MUST run tonight. You are not a technician and have no fucking clue about anyhing at all. 30 minutes to make sure it's something on our side and not on the client side, and in all that the intern is as useful as a confetto to wipe your ass. Once you're sure it's something on our side you need to search for the senior dev who received the maintenance of the project, call him and solve the problem.
It turns out a file in a shared folder nobody ever touches was unreachable 'cause one of your libraries left it open during the last run and Excel shown a warning modal while opening it; your project didn't like this last thing one bit. It takes 90 minutes to find the root of the problem, you solve it by rebooting one of your machines. It's 01:00.
You shower, watch yourself on the mirror and search for the line where your forehead ends and your hair starts. It got a little bit back from yesterday; the change can't be seen with the naked eye but you know it's there.
You cry yourself to sleep. Tomorrow is another day, but it's going to be exactly like today.8 -
CVs be like:
"Voluntarily worked as a tech consultant in impoverished communities to promote social mobility and empowerment through the implementation of a specialized computer science learning program and interactive software handling sessions."
Translation: helped my parents attaching word docs to their emails. -
Manager: Here's the design for the next feature, we're ready to hand it over to the consultant
FullStackClown: Uh... okay... is it spec'd out with requirements?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Well, already look at this design and user flow, did you consider what happens when <insert edge case X here>, <insert edge case Y here>, or <insert edge case Z here>? How is the consultant going to know what to put in for business logic if you don't even know or define it yourself?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Sigh... yeah, I'm too busy right now to be a kindergarten teacher, come back in a few days once you understand how your own feature is supposed to work
Manager: ...
Dev: ...5 -
top categories of people screwing my job:
- consultant
- fake positive thinking attitude
We just hired a fake positive thinking consultant8 -
Let an expert consultant write your code, they say. It will be all right, they say.
Found this today in a legacy codebase.
3 -
The best thing about being a consultant is that you keep learning from the mistakes of people who follow your advice.3
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This big multi-million consulting company hired me as freelance. They did it in a hurry, because "the project already started, it is a very important client (a bank) and we need your expertise by YESTERDAY".
In the first THREE WEEKS I had meetings with their own project managers, their client's project managers, techies, sales people. No one was able to tell me what do I have to do, but:
1 - they asked me for very detailed estimates plus a release plan
2 - f**k your estimates, we need this BY JANUARY 16th5 -
Company email sent around last night that 'for security' we need to use the latest software, fine. But we are also told only to develop in Edge as it's the newest and most secure browser, therefore is the only one we can use. There no way I'm using Edge to develop.
Fuck you, Mr Consultant, you've taken the company for a ride.
devRant_swear_count++;4 -
*In the final weeks of development with a project on a short timeline because the client "needs it".*
Client: "We've hired a consultant we want you to work with."
Me: "Okay, can we push this to after the delivery?"
Client: "Of course"
Wake up to an email from the consultant with a list of scripts he just ran on the production database server for the currently live app.
Get follow-up emails about bugs and app crashes from the client.
My rage is so hot it can keep warm an Eskimo tribe over the winter season.2 -
My worst dev sin was leaving out the 'WHERE' in a SQL update statement on a production database
Set every booking to be owned by the same sales consultant 👀2 -
"It's faster to just use one mysql table with 300 columns then linking the data in 10 tables. 10 tables mean 10x the load time!"...
- External consultant hired for optomizing database. (He didn't make it through the day and was sent home...)1 -
My CTO prefers to hire very expensive consultants than to trust on staff. It's funny, because he also decided that all technical teams should run on the absolute minimal amount of resources.
You can't imagine how shitty it felt this morning when he sent an email talking about a security consultant that we should hire, just because he thinks the guy could "take our expertise to the next level".
They will charge us 450/hour to run assessments, to find the exact same things my team discovered a year ago.4 -
How to comply with GDPR on any website and web application:
- download the law and store it in some folder
- if you have money, pay a lawyer and a security consultant to write something about GDPR. Download reports and papers and store it in some folder
- Don't touch your code, nor your database nor your infrastructure. If you don't have anything encrypted, leave it like that.
- Write somewhere a popup that says: "we are fully compliant with GDPR". If you have still money left you can also buy such a popup.
- DONE.2 -
Maybe it's old and well known, but somebody asked, so here it goes:
A shepherd is quietly grazing his sheep on the fresh village pastures.
Suddenly a shiny new car stops by. A cool guy, very well dressed hops out and asks him: "Good man, If I guess exactly how many sheep you have, can I win one?"
The shepherd, puzzled, accepts.
The cool guy, opens his laptop, download a satellite picture of the area, run a NASA algorithm for image recognition and in few seconds answers "you have 1342 sheep"
"Wooow" says the shepherd "you won, take one"
The cool guy is about to live when the shepherd approaches him:
"Ehi, Young man, I bet all my flock against your car that I can guess what is your job"
The cool guy, (he likes to bet after all) accepts.
"You are a consultant" says the shepherd.
"WTF! how did you even..."
"Well, easy" says the shepherd "you came out of nowhere, well dressed and smart looking, you answered a question nobody asked you, you told me something I already knew, you want to be payed for that and in addition, you don't understand shit about my business."
"Now", adds quietly the shepherd "please, give me back my dog"
(for @LOLjustCoding)2 -
I have been working 9 months as consultant for a company thru a vendor. The contract will finish in two weeks, the company want to continue working with me, I can't be hired directly, should be thru a vendor. The problem is that today I confirmed that this vendor bill the company the double and want me to sign again with them for the same rate, I can't switch to another vendor because there is a non-compete clause. What would you do in my case? I feel like that squirrel
12 -
So, I'm travelling back with my boss from a client and he stopped for a meeting in another city. Now I'm here like...
6 -
Found out today that the company wants to hire the consultant that thinks that unit testing is a waste of time, CI and code coverage metrics are useless, DI is mumbo-jumbo. But 500+ line procedural methods are fine, you just start the method with a small essay of a comment on what it does...6
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Coding has actually made my life more social.
Because I taught myself programming, I became a consultant.
I got to meet nice colleagues, customers and managed to become good friends with some of them.
Because of programming, I moved to a big city and I have lived like a f*cking rockstar!2 -
> So, I am looking for a job.
> I see a position in a video games store for a cashier/consultant.
> The announcement says to apply with a button.
> The button in question works only if you are registered and have your information filled in.
> Registered and filled out the information.
> The button won't work right because the damn website just does not think I entered anything.
This is why I hate online job hunting11 -
Love being contacted by a consultant.
At 7PM.
Via WhatsApp.
Becuase they recently "migrated to gmail" (wtf does that even mean?!?! it was their reason why I didnt get their email)
I fucking hate zoomers, please kill me, i have made a mistake working with these clowns
🤡6 -
Today's full day meeting accomplishments:
- start 9:00 am
- updated intellij idea
- updated fedora
- checked out servers to see if everything was OK
- lunch break
- people agreed that "we are just gonna do it and plan later"
- presented my status on the actual meeting subject
- me and the consultant realised we are really fucked :)
- meeting ended 5:30 pm
Yay!5 -
!rant
Going to negotiate my starting salary as a Junior Engineer/Consultant in 30 minutes.
Wish me luck!4 -
My boss went full psycho. I'll save her from some shame by not posting the email.
In one email she insulted every quality assurance consultant in the company.
She is supposed to be head of assurance5 -
Currently being paid full consultant salary to watch printer software install itself. This is exactly what I hoped to do when I started my company.. At least the money is good.
2 -
Surprisingly frequently in my city, a few weeks ago for example I was in the pub discussing reactjs with a friend of mine from uni and a random bloke cut in with "there was nothing wrong with jquery" (he had a massive grin on his face, so he knew what he said). Spent the rest of the night talking with him and his son who were both consultant developers.
Fun night 🤣 -
A technology focussed recruitment consultant took great pride in recalling the first time he met a "real life developer". He was wearing a suit. Developer was wearing a Slipknot t-shirt. It was a defining moment for him.
Think he released a little man jelly in excitement.1 -
Linkedin hunter per excellence. They are looking for “an experienced Expert for a position as Junior IT Consultant“.
Well, I have some experience, but someone should really explain them the concept of being a Junior Expert...4 -
NEW TALES FROM THE FUCKING CRYPT. It's disgusting...
... how managers keep to invest money into totally useless gadgets at the company to keep themselves motivated with stupid toys, tech and gear. WHY in fucks name would you not spend the money on hiring more devs and a dev consultant?
It's funny how they presented the stats first: "yea well we have ten big projects in dev right now" (we are FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE, tells you everything, right) "... BUT WE HAVE BOUGHT NEW SCOOTERS FOR THE COMPANY!".
Ok... why though? Who would actually use those things except the ones that bought them. Just another way of spending more money to reduce the promised employee return on the company's profit...2 -
This happened yesterday during 1-2-1 meeting
My dear teamleader telling me.
"You're just a stupid consultant"
Well, this 'stupid consultant' has had enough of your bullshit and will look for future endeavors elsewhere.
You are free to consider your options and make the bad decisions, dear team 'leader'.
Cry at the sheer amount of work 'your' project really entails and I will revel in your failure
I'm done with this guy.
Team leaders should be ousted if they fail their team members and the projects they are responsible for.6 -
My last day at my current company and damn, I couldn‘t be happier. Consulting was the worst decision I ever made and from tomorrow on I‘ll be free.
No more lying to clients, no more pushing of horrible products, no more silence towards problems because they didn‘t pay for a more expensive service.
I can finally stop hating myself for my job!3 -
I work as a consultant and my company wanted to send me on an engagement at a client who's main product is a well known online coding course. Their whole product is teaching lay people how to code. They decided the night before I was going to start that they didn't want me consulting with them because I "didn't have a CS degree."🤔
(PS: Their head of curriculum was actually a mentor and teacher of mine instrumental in my becoming a programmer...)
SMH2 -
A few months a couple of my colleagues, a business consultant and a developer, worked on a big project. The project capsized because the client is an A-hole and the developer was way over his head.
To save the project I was brought on board. The entire code base was a fucking mess of duplicated code. Shortly after, the developer called in sick with stress, simply because the whole thing was too much.
Fast forward to now; we just launched. The client is expressing concerns about the quality of the work because of the bumpy road (rightly so). I try to explain why my way of doing things is better, but to "paint the picture" I had to compare my approach to my predecessor. This results in the business consultant shooting me down, right in front of the client.
I fucking saved your job, your project, and about $1M in profits. I'm allowed to tell the story of why my incompetent coworker messed everything up.
I'm so done walking on egg shells because some just don't realize they are not cut out for software development.2 -
I am looking for a job, does any one needs a ceo or a consultant? I can be helpful. I have experience of four failed projects, two were of my own and have experience of one successful one.27
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Yesterday one of our clients gave us the OK to launch their annual financial reports, 4 minutes before stock market closed and most of us was heading home.
Problem was we didn't have the proper access to their servers, so I and a senior consultant just spent a few hours calling our client and their IT infrastructure provider.
6 hours later, a large bill from the IT provider for after hours work, the job was done. A job that would take 5 minutes of uploading and 5 minutes of database transfer. -
My coworker is a grade A super badass.
He work as a consultant and is only on site 2 days a week. He wasnt here on tuesday but got in today, first thing he did was starting to complain about some improvements we made during the week. Next he decided to remove and destroy parts of our software and check in his "improvements". Then without telling anyone about his changes he went home after lunch.
What a legend.2 -
1 - Stop working from home and start my own office
2 - Get more clients as a consultant/software house
4 - Launch SASS products overseas to get more 5x income
5 - 6 travel at least 3 times to other states -
We were forced by the enterprise architect team (people that knows almost nothing about web development) to use EdgeIPK an application technology that renders html-js-css using a designer mode to produce a cutting edge web site.
After 8 months of headaches and the resignation of the EdgeIPK web developer consultant we rewrote the entire thing with something else. -
Best comment of the day! Found on one of our clients code. (eCommerce)
// If you are full time then please don't refactor this code.
// if you are consultant then charge triple! -
Consultant: "I don't agree with that, it's got to be something else" when you point to a known fault with the function they are using in the framework.
Then you send them 10 articles from stackoverflow and the framework's own website.
Consultant: "Oh. Thank you."
Just let me fix the damned bugs and not have to justify every single fucking change I have to make to make the damned thing work the way it is fucking supposed to.
This is why we can't have nice things. -
The company I'm working for now (fortunately as a consultant) is now rebuilding its data structure. To do so they chose to use YANG :)
What next breakthrough technology should we go for, coffescript?3 -
Be me, get a consultant job, go to a supposedly great client that has fame of getting scouted by Google. (attn: I doubted all this shit before I started)
Learn the basics by a awesome mentor and trial/error stuff at the same time to get the hang of things, after that was done, I noticed there was no documentation whatsoever, code is spaghetti and your documentation, good luck!
Royal spaghetti, you can't make heads or tails of it, dev code in production, empty try/catch blocks, empty statements, if (true)... (incl. their core classes)
Keep in mind this is a multi milion dollar company...
Someone please understand my pain...6 -
Well! Hello everyone!
I am PokerJack. (Not a jAsE account)
Well, that's the name of my first Python Program. ~\_(-_-)_/~
Not a dev, would like to be one.
I work at Pornhub as a Consultant.
@rutee07 is my subordinate.
@devTea is my assistant
@Root - Dev Lead
@grumpyoldaf - Boss
@irene - Girlfriend
@jAsE - Heard about him, never found out who.
Btw, @rutee07 send me the test logins for all Pornhub Premium accounts. Immediately!!20 -
I am working as a functional consultant in a project and I setup a source control for a project for better code management....
I wanted to review the code and realized developers have been checking in zipped source code in that....
Checked with Dev Lead and got to know that's how they have been managing code till now in other projects in SharePoint so they are following same practices here3 -
Hate these managers.
I started working on a company 6 months back. When i joined i was told such amazing things about this place. I was given a job to develop a tool for a client. I did that alone. Now that the final deployment is done i am not needed there any more. I can start looking for outside work. WTF why would you hire a guy if you want him to work for only 3-4 months when you can hire a consultant or someone on contract or mention that in beginning. Fuck you even i want to leave this place now as soon as possible but still have to see their stupid faces for next 2 weeks.2 -
!rant
For the past year I was more or less solely responsible for a project. With the beginning of the year 2020 that project is paused. I had vacation starting the 23.12.2019 so the project ended there for me. Since the 25. the project is alerting like 30 crashes a day. I didn't change a thing but the external consultant did. Now I sit here at home and drink relaxing tea while reading a book. It's nice to say that it is not my problem anymore :-) -
!rant
On my way to a second Interview that might just liberate me from my dispicable existence as a consultant.
If all goes right I get my own Departement and can grow an entire Testautomation team. So, wish me luck guys.6 -
I was working in the field for about 6 years, and had my bachelors (working on masters). I went to Robert Half Technology looking for work, and the recruiter there said I didn't have enough experience (are you kidding me?) and that she couldn't market me.
I went to another office location 4 years later, and they hired me on full time (very unorthodox) as a consultant because 'I was a purple squirrel guru". (what ever that means)
The original recruiter at the other location now is forced to find positions and contracts for me without 1 ounce of say in the matter. If I am waiting on another contract, I get paid, it's like vacation. Makes it so much sweeter5 -
!rant
you know you've reached the limit of your role when you've started rebuilding the tools mentally because you're not allowed access to the source code (yes it's an odd setup, yes I'm looking for proper dev roles instead of this technical consultant halfway house) -
When I was fresh out of school at my first job, we worked with an external consultant that refused to answer my emails directly since I was only a lite shit kid. Had to send all my emails thru my boss to get a reply.
-
Last Month I was working at a place as a intern and also working at another place as a Tech Consultant/Proj manager, managing interns at the same time.
What a emotional rollercoaster it was..............1 -
lol my life is a joke
E: I've found it in css of a project I work on after some well paid consultant. And no, it was not temporary.
5 -
Thinking about switching jobs...
Do you prefer working in a smaller startup sized company, a bigger more settled one, or as a consultant?15 -
All day long meeting with business consultant about company future, software architecture, technical debt, refactoring, resources, projects.
Conclusion from top consultant, ex country manager of a weeeell known tech company:
Who cares about "code" anyway? (disgusted smile)3 -
Had to explain for 30 minutes to a consultant why:
1. registering a the container in the container.
2. writing abstraction for the container to use the abstraction of the container internally.
3. doing service locator thus hiding dependences.
4. having your business logic code know about DI.
5. writing log4net in a massively over complicated manner just because you didn't read the fucking manual.
6. coping code from github into our source.
are just wrong. -
I am currently working as a consultant and I like it. It also makes upset/happy/schadenfroh (not entirely sure how I feel about it) when we tell the client what work needs to be done in which order and why just so they can throw it all overboard and we do it the way they want it and it bites them in the ass a few month down the line.
They hire us for the external professional experience that we bring, so listen to us. We did this before, we know what works, and we know way your way does not work.7 -
when the client's consultant try to micro manage the project and create panic on the whole team... fml2
-
Becoming the Consultant or Sys admin who does social engineering pen testing and then making a spreadsheet of all the employees who failed listed by name
-
The amount of repetition and vagueness in this unsollicited recruiter job invite is insane: "Current Technology Sector Consultant". I've had 10's of invites from these recruiters on Linkedin, blocked all of them and they just keep coming back despite my Linkedin preference being set to let recruiters know "that I'm NOT open to opportunities"
If you ever get an offer from VMR consultants / J People consider these reviews carefully: https://glassdoor.co.uk/Reviews/....
I'm naming the company because it seriously deserves to be exposed for its bad practices towards both their potential and current employees.
3 -
Taking a class at my local university for fun where the point of the class is to build some kind of project for local companies. The teacher talks a lot about Wordpress and how great it is... He's not a dev, and has only worked as a business consultant/pm.... It's gonna be a long semester, but at least he's funny and has good choices in tv shows to include in his lectures.1
-
!rant
Landed my first time job as an consultant, while still studying. Hopefully this will go good, only have 4 months left of university.
However, I am surprised of how little coding it actually is... I've been spending my first month just learning a new system, so I can finally go out to a big customer and redo their production system (factories).
Meetings all day, a lot of talking... I kind of dislike it, but also like it. It is a special feeling. I wonder how it will feel in 6 months from now. -
i started a new job as a BI consultant. I thought that it included programming but it does not in my case :/3
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Revenge of the developer.
After our project consultants aren't good at planning projects I started my revenge. They will get soon a heart attack or paranoia...
Every time I need something from them (cause they missed it in the specs) and see them at the end of the floor. I stealth in their room and stand behind their door. When they are sitting, the door is closing mystically and I step to them. The faces are hilarious. That's my way to teach them to write better Specs :) -
I worked on a project that used an archaic homegrown library written by a consultant that had zero documentation, tons of reflection and here is the kicker... the consultant refused to give us the source code as it was "his intellectual property" so we couldn't make any sense of how to actually use it. Moreover, he worked remotely so the timezone difference between us meant that any questions we had took ages to get answered. Glad to be away from that project now.4
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Our project manager is a past-retirement-age consultant who prefers to communicate the old-fashioned way, which is to physically pop in to my office asking questions about stuff that isn't even urgent and could easily be dealt with in jira or by e-mail FFS. Way to go disrupting a dev, break my flow and deprive me of my joy of working! He even says it himself: "May I disturb?" My answer is "No, but now that you already did, spit it out!" He's a nice and funny guy, I give him that. But I don't like this particular behaviour of his. I've complained to him directly and also to my boss, but to no avail. This is where devRant comes in, to let the steam out. Anyway, if I have it my way, we will definitely *not* be hiring the same consultant for our next project.2
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Still on the fence: to jump to the dark side and become a consultant - or stay where I’m at. There be cookies on both sides. And now there be offers aplenty as well…
To stay and do DevSecOps and refactoring (and hopefully in the future rearchitecting) in an environment I’m very damn comfortable in or jump into the unknown (tho into any of the few tech companies I have a positive image of) to become a cloud consultant? Or to work with F#? Or to the EV industry? So many options…
I’m spoiled with choices and I don’t like that.7 -
This movie is so recognizable: "The Expert". Really, a must see for every IT related consultant out there. Not once, I have felt exactly like this guy: https://m.youtube.com/watch/...7
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I recently got a job interview and i am finally working as a junior consultant!
The most exciting thing is the fact that I am still studying Informatic Engineering .
I have still a long road to walk since I am still on the second year of a three years course. But finally I feel that my knowledge is being appreciated and I can use that in order to help a company.
If any experts in this area could give me advice, I am going forward to read them. I am new to devRant too !4 -
Partner wants to hire a freelance consultant for iOS development, (because I cant make anything out of their retarded ecosystem), on my advise.
After a year im still getting paid 0$/h, and we have to hire someone...
Is this the point where i wear a dunce hat?3 -
Why do these e-marketing companies always have some kind of manager/consultant/strategist/marketeer/whatever to handle emails between me and their devs. Instead of emailing with another technical person and quickly fixing the problem I end up sending one billion emails to someone who has no clue on what needs to be done to fix te problem. From now on my emails contains a part called "to your developer:" explaining the technical part of the email.
And no - I don't want to plan a conference call... just let me code dammit! -
The average meeting: "I think that's a really great idea. Let's circle back on this and take a 60k view, leveraging the low-hanging fruit so we can identify you championed this technology".
Seriously? Championed? As if the other bs language weren't enough. And this is language that they use to convince clients. "My consultant championed A.I.". Are you fucking kidding me? It sounds ridiculous. Needless to say, we lost that client.3 -
Would you say it's naive to assume that a Node.js consultant knows what 2FA is, how to clone a repo over SSH and how a .env file works?3
-
Screw it. I’ve gone over to the dark side and become a consultant. Let’s see what life in consultancy brings.5
-
We use a open-source business management software (incl. crm, e-commerce, billing, accounting, warehouse, ...) that is highly customizable.
Previously we had "Company A" that customized it for my company. It was very expensive so they hired something to do the same but cheaper & inhouse. The codebase that "Company A" has written was terrible (confirmed by CTO & the new colleague").
Then the CFO wanted functionality A. Colleague said that this will take 2 weeks to implement. One week later, it was no longer needed & functionality B was now mandatory. Rinse & Repeat.
The CFO: "Why is nothing ever gonna get finished" or "why is the quality so bad?"
So they hired another person for the same position. This person has more experience so it costs them a lot more... And suddenly, everything works well
They contacted a few months later a consultant that analyzed the company. The consultant asked (for good reason) why such a small company has 2 people maintaining the in-house BM software. And suddenly, they wanted to get rid of the worst person. <enter my previous rant>
He is thrown out. Now the head of Operations wants to remove that software because it was not "sexy" enough (her words). So they introduced a glorified spreadsheet with less functionality. That new colleague was offered to take the lead on that project... And thus he fled to another company.
That project failed and now everyone is fired... And they hired back "Company A" to maintain that BM project.3 -
I don’t know what I am ? Analyst ? Programmer? Engineer? Consultant? I seem to be doing a shit load of non programming stuff1
-
For people working as consultants, have you been asked to provide your own equipment (laptop and accessories) for work? if yes, how do you bill them for it?2
-
My job is paying a consultant to do some Node.js training for a few days. In our downtime the guy was telling us about his daughter whom he’s been teaching computer type shit at home for years. He says she’s got every cert offered by CompTIA. She’s 16 years old. That’s demoralizing af. I’ve got zero certifications. I’ve gotta get on top of this shit...3
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I was looking at the code from my first project after i started working. It was initially created by a consultant who in his own words "had no idea what he was doing". I found this wonderful comment. Its swedish but roughly translates to "This is completely wrong... Or maybe not" (It was) :D
2 -
That moment people assume you don't know things because you are generally quiet because they are around their friends. Uhm, I got the job and had to go through months of interviews, tests, video chats, probation periods and got the job almost 3 months earlier than I should and got promoted to a better team, you don't see me trying to demean your job as a call center consultant here around all the developers I know. Just lemme drink my coffee in peace :(
-
Started as an IT consultant 13 years ago, now I run my own hosting business... Got head hunted to work as an IT manager for a company that isn't doing well, in which I confronted them with all their issues that are out in the public, they agreed to some, and others they had no idea about, I'd say the interview went well, as they have stated so and gave me the impression that I nailed it.... Haven't heard from them till now... It's been 2 weeks already.10
-
I like being an employee in product development team (rather than a consultant in a project) - we're exempt from reporting hours per project and making sure to stay within budget.
But on the downside it's frustrating to se how the org happily spends development time without considering we cost money. Just found out that one department ordered a campaign site that took 4 days for 2 devs to build.
It's now ended and revenue was only a few hundred bucks.
When I asked "Didn't we lose money on this project? Considering our salaries and the ~60hour dev time"
- "Oh no, we don't count the dev team as a cost! You already work here and would get paid no matter what" 😑
Good thing I'm not in finance.4 -
Just received a connection request on Linked In of a Recruitment Consultant. Searched the company to see at least what they do and their official website is made by WordPress... I didn't even need to see the code of the first page to know that...
2 -
Anyone here working as a consultant/contractor or running their own firm? How did you get into it? Where do you find clients?4
-
Just got my first job as a developer after getting my bachelor in computer science! 😁 Any tips and tricks for a newbie consultant?2
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So i've forgot my pin for my debitcard now its locked and i cant buy food till monday because a bank consultant has to unlock it, great.6
-
> People: Mister IHateForALiving, the external consultant who took care of the new client is about to leave :) his leader is searching for someone to help him and build the new features :) we think you should be doing it, you're very good with the frontend
I WILL NOT FIX
YOUR FUCKING
TECHNICAL DEBT
You fucking moron of a "tech lead", working like a human was free; you chose to work like a dog and encouraged the external consultant to work like a dog as well. From now until you resign, this mess is yours to clean.3 -
Why would anyone want to study and have years of experience in boring-ass jobs like QA, BI,specific enterprise applications consultant(e.g SAP/Salesforce), PC technician, helpdesk, integrator or sales.
I understand people who lack experience in more sexy stuff and have no choice, or do this temporarily. But I met some people who do it for years out of their own will. Why? There are far more interesting jobs in the tech world. -
!rant
I had a second stage technical interview for a job today. I met three devs who prodded my experience and gave me a task to do (design a complete system architecture for registering sheep, I got ten minutes). I think it went well because after the interview they invited me out for dinner!
Feels good! I might become a consultant soon. -
Well .. just worked 15 hours straight because an architect who acts like a manager and has friends at my employer (im a consultant), had my employer threaten us ........ “Watch out with what you say to X” and telling us to work overtime..4
-
Is it normal for a big corporation to not give a tour to a new employee, say when is our lunch time, when do I leave and just load a 2k page book (vol1 of 2)? It's my 1st job and I'm a junior consultant...2
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How do I become a consultant? Do I need to master some programming languages and programming patterns and get "know-how" beyond of the general population of software engineers?10
-
Almost any internally tool developed by a non-dev who has read a book 'learning to program in 21 days' and now thinks he can code. Usually it is developer in excel and as years pass complete departments depend on it until the moment a consultant is hired to completely rewrite it without any specs.
-
I get frustrated about the shitty work I'm forced to do to meet useless deadlines or follow meaningless ever changing consultant ideas.
I write a rant.
People in devrant suggest me best practices, solutions, tools, even technical steps.
I write this meta-devrant.
Devrant refuse to add more than 1 rant every 2 hours.
Fuck.1 -
!rant
Rant from my previous work as a consultant Data Engineer (wish I had known this site back then).
During my stay at the place, we have a big client whose contact with us was an incompetent stressful fellow.
I single-handedly build a humongous automated data pipeline using Airflow. I am very proud of my baby as my first massive project and check it obsessively for every possible flaw, especially when writing down documentation for the poor soul that would take my place.
Luckily for me, everything is working as intended, until of course on my last day of work, shit hits the fan, and everything breaks down.
After a moment of initial panic: it was Thursday morning, we had a Machine Learning model to run over the weekend, predictions to make and reports to write and a very lovely next week deadline, I calm down.
"I won't be dealing with this shit anymore, starting from 18:00 PM and anyway Fear Is The Mind Killer."
Quite sure that it couldn't have been my code, I start looking at various logs when the culprit was clear. The B(ig) S(tupid) C(lient) changed the whole schema of the data he was feeding to us.
I call him: he has no idea of what was done to the data. Hell, at first he doesn't seem to remember what the deal with schema, data, and SQL is (the guy was supposed to be a big shot in the IT department). It turns out he hired one of our competitors to do his side of the collection pipeline. He tries to get mad at me, but everything he throws bounces back to him. I am calm yet ruthless pointing out how every major hiccup had been his fault and that I could quickly reach to his board of directors explaining why their Machine Learning model was late.
Result: he apologizes, extends our deadline, and I get a round of applause from other juniors who would have to deal with me had I failed.
Never am I happier to not work as an underpaid cannon fodder apprentice in a shitty consultant firm.
Luckily for me, everything is working as intended, until of course on my last day of work, shit hits the fan, and everything breaks down.
After a moment of initial panic: it was Thursday morning, we had a Machine Learning model to run over the weekend, predictions to make and reports to write and a very lovely next week deadline, I calm down.
"I won't be dealing with this shit anymore, starting from 18:00 PM and anyway Fear Is The Mind Killer."
Quite sure that it couldn't have been my code, I start looking at various logs when the culprit was clear. The B(ig) S(tupid) C(lient) changed the whole schema of the data he was feeding to us.
I call him: he has no idea of what was done to the data. Hell, at first he doesn't seem to remember what the deal with schema, data, and SQL is (the guy was supposed to be a big shot in the IT department). It turns out he hired one of our competitors to do his side of the collection pipeline. He tries to get mad at me, but everything he throws bounces back to him. I am calm yet ruthless pointing out how every major hiccup had been his fault and that I could quickly reach to his board of directors explaining why their Machine Learning model was late.
Result: he apologizes, extends our deadline, and I get a round of applause from other juniors who would have to deal with me had I failed.
Never am I happier to not work as an underpaid cannon fodder apprentice in a shitty consultant firm. -
I wonder what percentage of developers are actually extroverted salesmen and can thus become a consultant...3
-
Wherein I bait reddit into over 70k views with some bullshit about AI:
https://reddit.com/r/Futurology/...
I almost wonder if their viewcount/usercount is real.
The model is real, my consultant background is not.3 -
Ran a DecSecOps consultant business for many years. Used it as supplemental income because it never made enough to be a main gig. It was a great tax write off2
-
Music, mostly Epic Music World or piano music.
I am a consultant and currently working at a company where nobody listens to music... I cannot understand how they do it! 😱
If I cannot listen to music at work, I cannot concentrate. -
Since you started your job, how many programming books have you read to get ahead in your job?
Examples:
- You're a Java programmer, so you read the OCP for Java 11 and then you get your OCP cert
- You're a .NET consultant, so you read another .NET book17 -
I had been working as an IT-consultant, for some year. Where I often had to educate about APM products, and a lot of them was over skype to outsourced IT departments in Asia.
I could use a hole dag teaching them about the product, and how to use specific part of them. Even though I asked them if they understood everything I have said. I never got any questions or had to immerse anything.
But almost every single time after, I got a ton of email asking about everything I said. Why just why, would you just sit, smile and nod. If you did not understand anything. So I had to use days, going over the same presentation over and over again, to each and every participant.
Now I am so happy I gave the company the finger, and became a full-time developer instead.1 -
Recruiter writes to me on LinkedIn for a job
Have an interview with the recruiter, everything smooth
Then interview with the HR of the company, everything smooth
Then the HR talks to the CTO, and the CTO is like "mmmmh this guy works as a consultant, I don't like this. Yeet him".
This absolute madman out there not giving a single flying fuck about consultants, head hunter, HR, only pure coding, literally living the dream. -
So I presented a presentation about programming a couple of days ago. It received good feedback and the leader of that event wants me back to present another event within a couple of days. Yeah, couple of days!!!! The first one took me almost 2 weeks to prepare, not sure if a couple days is enough
This guy has strong connections and want me to speak to people for consultant work. I do want to work as a consultant, but that's a risk I guess.
On the other hand, I'm currently working as a fulltime fullstack developer on a project with lots of challenges. Its fun but not something I want to do for many years.
A voice inside me is telling me to go on this adventure, and focus on my company instead.
I feel like this is a special moment in my life, and one decision is the right one to take.
What would you do, continue working as a fulltime developer or focus on building your company? Or if you have similar experience you want to share?5 -
Scrolling through the possible jobs I could bid on as a consultant. Where's the fucking "Just don't do it" button?
-
Vague requirement for feature A received from client
Business consultant refines
Example mapping done
Acceptance criteria defined
Scheduled in sprint
Development done
Unit tests passed
Pull request reviewed
Code merged and deployed to system test
Functional testing successful
Deployed to UAT
Client asked to sign off
Client: "Actually I don't want that feature." -
For Software consultants.
I am newbie with 2 years of development experience. What should be my road map for being an independent software consultant in the long run.2 -
Today my unixstickers propack arrived finally!🤑
Telling the truth I am not evnolved in any of these technologies 🤣. I am an SAP/ABAP consultant with one year of experience and I don't feel I am going to put these over my Thinkpad🤔
Maybe it's time to get some devRant stickers, I really love them☺️
5 -
Internship/Career Question
I was able to get a referral for a software engineering internship at a company I like this summer. This will be my first “real-life” internship and I’m super excited.
The referral ended up getting me an interview with the company’s “Principal Talent Attraction Consultant”.
What show I expect for this meeting? Is it possible that there is a whiteboarding part of this interview? Or would it be more general?
Lmk if I’m being too vague. Thanks guys!3 -
Honestly I've had good luck, every single boss I've ever had has been great up until the most recent project manager (not people manager) at my latest consultant gig.
Guy was 60+, had the mindset that NOTHING can get done without a meeting, and that your ass in a seat is the most important metric of true productivity.
Coming from a mostly remote background with 50% travel, this was a huge pain in the neck to deal with for the last 2 months.
Luckily he's gone now (no one liked him...who would have thought). -
Recently attended an interview. The guy was some random company consultant. Job description was for spring-boot (also required templating engine experience). He was asking me whether I know angular and JEE (completely different and kinda opposite of the job desc). That's a bummer but good thing I've messed around with these once or twice so I know whatsup.
Also, who the fuck has already got 7 programmers and wants to double up to 14 by only adding university students to the team (after teaching them angular and jee for a month, but whatever, its only a fucking month), in order to complete a new project with tight deadlines?
I don't think I'm sticking with this one...2 -
So...I think I have a job now sort of...just signed my first big long-term gig as a consultant/dev for an US based startup, pay promises to be solid, the CEO seems to be shill and they'll pay me for hours worked with a relatively low minimum which is great because that freedom will allow me to continue my projects and dumb college assignments.
Let's hope neither of the two parties fuck it up. -
After one year working part time (10%) as new consultant in the company, the consultant calls the technical director in the evening and asks: "hey, how much do you think it will cost to rewrite a SaaS platform somewhat similar to ours from scratch in outsourcing and scaling from the actual 500 customers to 500 thousands? I need to know by tomorrow morning, as we have a pitch with investors. Do you think it's ok to ask for 500K$? Actually, I can only ask for 500K$."3
-
2019 Recap: Quit studentjob. Got engineering degree, worked as a devops consultant, got a child, bought a house, started at new company as mainframe developer.
2020 goals: less cobol, more java, get courses for a long term goal of becoming an it-architect.2 -
Many years in the same company waiting for an improvement in my career. Result: role change from Solution Manager to ICT consultant (better before) and Salary increase of 20% (better now). I simply do not understand my company behavior. Happy and Sad at the same time. What do you think? Titles do matter or not?
-
!rant: Does anyone here work as a Microsoft Dynamics NAV developer of consultant? Or used to? I would really much like hear a little about what it involves on a daily basis, before jumping straight in...
Or if you work with ERP, CRM or BI in general I'd like a word with you. 😀 -
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6 -
Changing from being a developer to a SAP Business Analyst / Functional Consultant some years back was both my best and worst career choice.
Please don't hate me.1 -
Sometimes while writing software / consulting I feel like house md. Not always am I right the first time, but this is often due to me looking at the wrong thing. But at the end of the day I am able to give advice that may be seen absurd but usually is correct.
(tip: it's never lupus, what is quite right because code is code)1 -
Hello fellow developers,
I need a career advice from the DevRant community.
My question is:
Can I get a joining bonus from Capgemini if I'm joining within 15 days for the post of the associate consultant, because I've been told by HR that giving joining bonuses has stopped since January ’17?3 -
This is a post towards those developers working on uncommon/premium technologies like RPM, manhatten etc : How is the world on that side?
I feel like going for a switch. I have been an Android Developer for last 6 years and Android as a technology is fast paced and its requirements from client is even faster/hectic.
I am looking to work in a place where there is less pressure on making shiny stuff. I also want to understand how to become part of those consultant firms like PWC, deloitte etc, and if the work done by tech people there is hectic or okish? -
Real Estate agent. I'm good with people and I'm detail oriented - that combination has made me a very successful developer & consultant. I'd probably have built out my own real estate sales support tech (e.g. my own web site, apps, whatever) on my own just to have kept up my technology interest. I like the idea of making 3% commission on $400k home sales for basically doing jack shit but schmoozing clients and keeping up with state laws that can be covered in a 40 hour course and taking a licensing exam.
-
1 - Correct me if I’m wrong, but in true Agile, a product owner ought to be able to interact directly with the dev team, and vice versa, in the card/conversation/confirmation process of creating, estimating, and executing the user stories, correct?
2 - If Company “A” contracts with Consultant “A” to have software developed, and then Consultant “A” then contracts with Company “B” who then contracts with Consultant “B” to do the development, who would you define as the Product Owner?
3 - If Company “B” is barring Consultant “B” from talking with Company “A” and Consultant “B”, is Agile even possible?7 -
I'm lucky in my current main ally in all things development. I am a digital designer who has kind of fallen ass backward into being the company coder - because I had to redo our website in 6 weeks. He is a database/data admin who has ended up the company sysadmin and IT manager.
Together, we put things together however we can to get things working. We probably aren't the fastest or the flashiest, but we get things done in a way I've not experienced in previous jobs - it's refreshing to work with someone in a similar mindset of rather learning a tool and implementing something properly, than either hiring a random consultant or doing a half-assed job. -
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11 -
Any devs on here whose title is actually Consultant? Just started at a position termed as such building solutions on AEM
-
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!rant
Got a gig as a consultant (started Monday). Got my first engagement starting next Thursday. First time I've been excited about my work in a long time. Hope it stays that way!! -
You code, then MNC decides you to send to work as SAP BASIS Consultant, then you wanna switch and now you don't have development experience. So, need to start as fresher in development, almost 3 precious years wasted. WTF
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Fellow ranters I have a question.
Do any of you have experience of going from a consultant job to working as a developer for a product company, where the thing you're developing is the actual product and not just some side thing (like a infrastructure company having a website for example).
If so, how did the experiences differ from one another?
I'm considering switching positions to a SaaS company and I'm just wondering how much of all the consultant based BS that I'm constantly stressing over will be erased if I go there.
My biggest gripes about work in my few years of developing have been the lack of team work, really ill formed requirements, low knowledge of the codebase among coworkers and just badly written code bases.
I wonder how much of this stuff is just the nature of the work and how much could be traced back to developers pushing out shitty stuff due to hourly billing, people leaving several times a year.6 -
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