Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
So, you start with a PHP website.
Nah, no hating on PHP here, this is not about language design or performance or strict type systems...
This is about architecture.
No backend web framework, just "plain PHP".
Well, I can deal with that. As long as there is some consistency, I wouldn't even mind maintaining a PHP4 site with Y2K-era HTML4 and zero Javascript.
That sounds like fucking paradise to me right now. 😍
But no, of course it was updated to PHP7, using Laravel, and a main.js file was created. GREAT.... right? Yes. Sure. Totally cool. Gotta stay with the times. But there's still remnants of that ancient framework-less website underneath. So we enter an era of Laravel + Blade templates, with a little sprinkle of raw imported PHP files here and there.
Fine. Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css. Whatever. I can still handle this. 🤨
But then the Frontend hipsters swoosh back their shawls, sip from their caramel lattes, and start whining: "We want React! We want SPA! No more BootstrapCSS, we're going to launch our own suite of SASS styles! IT'S BETTER".
OK, so we create REST endpoints, and the little monkeys who spend their time animating spinners to cover up all the XHR fuckups are satisfied. But they only care about the top most visited pages, so we ALSO need to keep our Blade templated HTML. We now have about 200 SPA/REST routes, and about 350 classic PHP/Blade pages.
So we enter the Era of Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css + hipster.sass + REST + React + SPA 😑
Now the Backend grizzlies wake from their hibernation, growling: We have nearly 25 million lines of PHP! Monoliths are evil! Did you know Netflix uses microservices? If we break everything into tiny chunks of code, all our problems will be solved! Let's use DDD! Let's use messaging pipelines! Let's use caching! Let's use big data! Let's use search indexes!... Good right? Sure. Whatever.
OK, so we enter the Era of Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css + hipster.sass + REST + React + SPA + Redis + RabbitMQ + Cassandra + Elastic 😫
Our monolith starts pooping out little microservices. Some polished pieces turn into pretty little gems... but the obese monolith keeps swelling as well, while simultaneously pooping out more and more little ugly turds at an ever faster rate.
Management rushes in: "Forget about frontend and microservices! We need a desktop app! We need mobile apps! I read in a magazine that the era of the web is over!"
OK, so we enter the Era of Ancient PHP + Laravel + Blade + main.js + bootstrap.css + hipster.sass + REST + GraphQL + React + SPA + Redis + RabbitMQ + Google pub/sub + Neo4J + Cassandra + Elastic + UWP + Android + iOS 😠
"Do you have a monolith or microservices" -- "Yes"
"Which database do you use" -- "Yes"
"Which API standard do you follow" -- "Yes"
"Do you use a CI/building service?" -- "Yes, 3"
"Which Laravel version do you use?" -- "Nine" -- "What, Laravel 9, that isn't even out yet?" -- "No, nine different versions, depends on the services"
"Besides PHP, do you use any Python, Ruby, NodeJS, C#, Golang, or Java?" -- "Not OR, AND. So that's a yes. And bash. Oh and Perl. Oh... and a bit of LUA I think?"
2% of pages are still served by raw, framework-less PHP.31 -
I think I'm going to delete my account.
I browsed through my personal feed, and even though I've spend some time curating, only about 1 in a 100 is a real rant. The rest are memes, mildly funny observations, the kind of programmer humor which is only funny to non-programmers, and bland anekdotes.
And when I post something IN ALL CAPS WITH SOME FUCKING CURSEWORDS AND RAGE IN THERE YOU CUNTS ALL TELL ME TO CALM DOWN AND BE MORE POSITIVE?
What kind of a weak, smoothieslurping mindfulness convention has this community become? Do you guys just want to be a mildly funny reddit clone for easily offended hipsters?
This place was my outlet, my venting space, the spot where I didn't feel alone in frustrations.
I find this new content fucking sickening.55 -
Fuck you, devs who quote Knuth:
"Premature optimization is the root of all evil"
I agree with the spirit of the quote. I agree that long-winded arguments comparing microsecond differences in performance between looping or matching constructs in a language syntax is almost always nonsense. Slightly slower code can even be preferable if it's significantly clearer, safer and easier to maintain.
But, two fucking points need to be made to you lazy quickfix hipsters trying to sell your undercooked spaghetti code as "al dente", just fucking admit that you had no clue what you were doing.
So here we go:
1. If you write neat correct code in one go, you don't need to spend time to optimize it. Takes time to learn the right patterns, but will save you time during the rest of your career.
2. If you quote Knuth, at least provide the context: "We should forget about small efficiencies, say about 97% of the time [...] Yet we should not pass up our opportunities in that critical 3%"
YES THAT CRITICAL 3% IS WHERE YOU MESSED UP.
I'll forgive you for disgorging your codevomit into this silly PR.
BUT YOU'RE QUOTING KNUTH IN YOUR DEFENSE?
Premature optimization is the root of all evil... 6300 SQL queries to show a little aggregate graph on the dashboard... HE WOULD FUCKING SLAP YOUR KEYBOARD IN HALF IN YOUR FACE.3 -
"As a team, we have the shared responsibility to ___".
(replace with ALL of the following: resolve bugs, do junior's code reviews, clean up dead code, keep the kitchen clean, improve test coverage, write documentation, order coffee beans, etc)
NO. JUST FUCKING STOP RIGHT THERE. Shared responsibilities do not exist. A single person is responsible, and can optionally delegate tasks.
EITHER I DO IT AND I'LL BE FUCKING AWESOME AT IT, OR SOMEONE ELSE DOES — BUT I'LL SLAP SLACKERS IN THE GENITALS WITH MY KEYBOARD.
Fucking startup hipsters with their community driven attitude, this way no shit gets done, ever.7 -
Hipsters be like: i aM iN cOnTrOl oF mY oWn LiFe
And then proceed to give away their Calendly link.
Fucking hilarious. They fail to realise that time is the most important entity anyone can have. And they give it away to strangers to control their time.
Imagine, giving access and control of your most important entity of your life to some random stranger on internet.
I coincidently found this. I had to read it three times before I understood what the message was.
I am slowly getting back to my life where I had good work life balance, but this time I am paid well with lots of learning.
I am on my way to become a time millionaire.
10 -
First we had this stupid Hoverboards.
Now we have god damn fidget spinners. Every Idiot got one.
Now there's fucking Fidgets Spinners with LED.
Will the next fucking Cancer be a IDE with RGB flashing Code, animations and this shit is coming form coding Noob Hipsters and script Kiddies, who wanna be cool???
Kid from the future: Yo Bro lets configure our LED Fidget Spinner with this premade software and call it coding. We will be cool hackers.
12 -
Why the hell did someone remove the wacom kernel module in android since 4.x? It wasn't hurting any body and instead gave people the ability to connect their wacom tablets to USB OTG compatible devices. As a result we have few apps that have wacom support in play store and shitty reputation that the rotten apple is better for all things media.
And for me it means I have to:
* Figure out a way to root my device
* locate correct version and configuration of currently running kernel.
* set up cross compilation toolchain
* build the kernel module
* transfer it to the device
* insmod it manually
* say a few prayers
.... All I wanted to do was paint 😢 -
Fucking IT bloggers be telling you about how to deploy scalable hype meta monad 420 doritos bacon containers. Forget those hipsters.
The only developer blog you need is ACM Queue. -
Customer calls, "my steaming provider just called and told us were running in unprotected mode with DRM disabled" , I reply "uh what? I'm on it!" Few minutes later I see that all lines related to DRM are commented out in latest build, git blame points to the new recruit... Calling back to the customer and make up some weird reason to why this was disabled and apologize.1
-
I point out to a guy which documentation and which section he should read to solved his problem, 30minutes later I swing by and the dude sits and watches tutorials on YouTube. I ask him "did you figure it out and solved the problem?", he replies " nah! This tutorial is really great, it shows step by step...blah blah.. I can send it to you! We should all watch it tomorrow after standup" ... Really? He honestly believes were getting paid to drink latte watch tutorials on YouTube? I almost imploded at that point, went into "whatever"-mode and seriously pondered how much mentoring sucks some days. But seriously tutorials on the tube were targeted for 14year old beginners a last time I checked,did the world do a double revolution and left me behind?? Or is that guy just plainly trying to hide the fact how incompetent he is at reading docs?
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View