Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated? He was Bjorn again

Raising kids is like using Windows. You know what you want him to do, the kid knows what you want him to do,... But he still decides to do whatever HE wants.

The frustration level is the same

Don't wanna go to bed cuz then I have to work tomorrow 😞

Image is me each standup

HOW TO SOLVE THIS ERROR ☕?

!dev

Find the snake under 10 seconds If you can.

Why do people even need anything more than 100Mbps at home?
Are you guys running data centers at home?

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.

💙💛 oopsie

So, you want to tell me the security method used by the f*cking state of Missouri is CSS's "display: none"???
Source: https://missouriindependent.com/202...

My worst dev experience in 2021 has been a PHP-based CMS developped by lobotomized, single-celled organisms incapable of coherent thoughts.
A CMS even worse than WorstPress.

200k lines of "code", no use of packages, multiple entrypoints, no namespacing, all dependencies loaded by "include" at random places and everything is dependent of every thing else... a complete mess.

One could call it the butterfly effect CMS. Adding a space could completely crash the application.

At this point I've almost developped terminal eye cancer...

It was right in our faces all this time ;-;

Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even.

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

Now that it's evil...

You hired a developer but what you really needed was an entomologist.

A Microsoft Surface is not a computer it’s Windows installed on a crêpe

Due to COVID-19 all TCP applications are being converted to UDP to avoid handshakes!

So......

Long working hours increasing deaths from heart disease and stroke: WHO, ILO

https://who.int/news/item/...

How often do you guys mess up things you do regularly?

Lemon juice
Water
Vodka
Limoncello
Splash of gin (I used Bombay)
Sugar/replacement to taste
Ice

Tastes like traditional lemonade, but this one is a great remedy for burnout/reality.

Highly recommend!

So here's is the thing.
For some weird reason I decided to work at a VC funded startup. For 15k year,(I live in a really poor country).

So, let me describe the hell I'm in now, and if for some good grace you happen to be hiring, please consider saving me from the horror that's ahead.

Company got funded 5 months ago, main owners are, an economist and a civil engineer with no programming habilities whatsoever.

They took 1 month to assemble "a killer team", with no hiring expertise they handpicked a CTO that came in 1 month later and took a month of vacation in his first month of work.

He didn't do any specification of the system that needs to be built.

The 2 naive owners hired the rest of this "killer team".

The team is good, but have no appreciation of planning.

They've built and rebuilt the backend system twice, once in graphql and the second with plain http (is not real rest, just a http api), in front of, guess what a mongo database.

This mongo DB is not only one, but 7, because we have 7 microservices, and each has its own database.

After some time, they decided to fire their CTO, and hire one more programmer(that's me), because the CTO wasn't doing anything.

The app has 3 parts, the app per se, a business version, and a help desk, guess what the helpdesk just appeared last week on the radar.

Long story short, we have one month to deliver what couldn't be built in 5.

When I decided to work for these people, I did not imagine the kind of clusterfuck that I was getting into.

It took me 1 month to realize the whole situation, now, I really would like to see some help from the deities of any religion, not for the project, that project is doomed.

It's how I'll pay the bills after that clusterfuck collapses that worries me.

Now in the startup no one is talking about how stupid the whole situation is. Or how far back we are. And at this point there's very little that could be done about it, I have a feeling that it could still be accomplished, but it's fading day after day.

I will do my best to live the best of this experience, and do as the musicians in the Titanic and keep playing the music even after knowing the Titanic is sinking.

Taught my wife the first lesson in real world programming:
She had to do some python homework and it was already late night. Task was to apply several filters to a csv. So we did the good ol' STRG+C.

Am I a horrible person or my programming corrupted from within?

Working in a service based company in a project with dumb fcking manager/lead who can't plan proper workflow and design, where backend and frontend work on the same feature simultaneously and u get API's in the end of the Sprint and it has be integrated, tested and deployed in the same day...and the manager is a fcking virgin and starts drooling with backend team as they are most females and is very lenient towards them

A colleague of mine was assigned to do a manual testing of application. It involved testing application in no-network / offline conditions.
While doing this he disconnected the virtual ethernet of Remote desktop thus crashing the VM forever....

Dear Elon Musk, send him to Mars right away.

Just joined a skype meeting:

Me (software engineer): Am I audible?
Product Manager: Am I audible to you?
Business Development Manager: Hey guys, Am I audible?

After 30 minutes:
Me: Hey guys, Am I audible?
Product Manager: Am I audible to you?
Business Development Manager: Am I audible, guys?

Just notice that google spreadshit can do query like actual sql query.

Wtf each cell is like data as in relational databse.

Wtf wtf wtf.... soooooo cooool

My next db spreadsheet.

I had to let go of the two people working under me today because somebody fucked up the budget. That sucked.

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

JS is too hard for your back-end

An old one, but funny af. Shows the pain freelancers have to go through.

Please design a logo for me.
With pie charts.
For free.

http://www.27bslash6.com/p2p.html