Just got a job offer for a SysAdmin job at CERN! :D

A big fuck you to the italian philosophy of hiring newly graduated students with shitty contracts and a big win for a simple student that wants to learn from the best :)

My buddy developer sitting beside me turns away for a discussion. I quickly grabbed his laptop, changed the IDE theme to dark and places it just like it was before.

It took him 15 mins to realize what I have done :P.

This is simple proof of how comfortable a dark theme is.

*We colleagues were cursing Valentine's week*

Team Lead : Committed?
Me: No, I am single.
TL: *confused look* Did you committed that code?
Me: ohh yes! I raised the merge request as well.
TL: Ok. I will review it. *Moves away smiling inside*
Me: *looking at screen* *crying inside*

Found an USB stick with 64MB capacity today. I'm wondering from which century it might be.

We need more of this

Implementing a while loop subconsciously

Client didn't pay?
Don't worry, I have come across this beautiful repo with a great idea :P

https://github.com/kleampa/not-paid

Exactly

Halloween funny meme

Interview

HR: So .. tell us .. where do you see our AI acting in 5 years?

ME: Doing your job minus the stupid questions.

*silence*

Boss breaks out in laughter.
"Oh boy you're hired"

Me these days

* Selects text to copy *
* Ctrl + C to copy *
* Selects text to be replaced with copied text *
* Ctrl + C again instead of Ctrl + V *

Instant rage.

"Our time has come"

— Repost from Reddit

During a random school project.

Me: *Explains why team members idea is bad*

Team member: *Im going to do it like this anyways.*

Me: *add explaination of why idea is bad to git commit log.*

1 week later: some parts of the project dont work like they are suppost to.

Team member: *dude can you help me bla bla....(encounters issue i mentioned regarding his idea)*

Me: *no, i've already got too much on my plate. please, sort it out yourself....*

At the presentation

Teacher: *ask question about problem*

Team member: *tries to blame the problem on me....*

Me: *shows git commit log to teacher*

Me: *passing grade*

Team member: *failing grade*

Justice served.

I’m a fast learner too 😂

Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me:...... you don't see it? 😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me: 😞☹️

What. The. Fuck. Did. Just. Happen.

A random girl followed me on social media. She looked nice and intelligent so I followed her back.

Started to chat about some random stuff. She told me she works at the HR department of an international company and asked me what's my job. Told her I'm a software developer.

Right after that she sent me a selfie. Obviously I said she looks nice, she thanked it and asked some more about my job. After a short discussion I received another selfie but somewhere in between she lost the outer layer of her clothing.

She still looks nice but now I'm sitting here utterly confused and cant tell whether it was my sarcastic humour and moderately handsome facial features which charmed her or she just needs to recruit someone for a new project and willing to do everything to reach the quota.

When you get high on validation

2011: 3 billion devices run Java
2018: 3 billion devices run Java

So i saw this on fb today..
Haha

Using Base64 "encryption" to store credit card numbers and passwords

That fortune cookie is definity meant for programmers.

All wk100 posts be like
1) Get laid.

Try to convince people that html isn't a programming language and there's no need for a compiler to work with html.

Google => googled

Duck duck go => duck duck went?

🤔

Next time I try to install a server, I should check if the Ethernet cable is not broken.

😐

My school.

We have free WiFi access, but you need to login into your personal student account to use it.

Turns out, SQL Injection works.
It gets worse.
Table name "schueler".
SELECT *
Well.
Got all data on all students.
Name, address, phone number, passwords in plain.

I reported it using an anonymous email. Partially fixed. Standard quotes now get eacaped. Still, passwords are now MD5.

I like how (almost) everybody is positive about the layout/design change here, whenever any site changes even the slightest all my non-tech-friends lose their shit because normal people can't handle change.

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.