WHY THE FUCKIDY FUCK DO PEOPLE THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A DEVELOPER THEN YOU CAN DO EVERY FUCKING THING IN A SNAP?!

THIS ENTIRE SUMMER I WORKED FOR THIS MIDGET OF A FUCK AND THE IDEA WAS TO MAINLY DEVELOP AN IOS APP FOR THEIR PRODUCT. THAT ONE APP TRANSLATED TO THREE SEPARATE APPS AND KEEP IN MIND THAT I AM THE ONLY DEVELOPER THEY HAVE SO I HAVE TO DEVELOP IT, TEST IT AND DOCUMENT IT!! AND WHAT'S EVEN WORSE IS HE KEEPS GIVING ME DESIGNS AT THE LAST MINUTE SO I ALWAYS END UP HAVING TO CREATE NEW PROJECTS ALL THE TIME. WHEN A WEEK PASSES BY WITHOUT ANY UPDATE HE AND HIS FUCKED UP BRAIN CELLS GATHER A MEETING WITH HIS 'DONALD TRUMP HANDS-SIZED' BALLS TO ASK ME, 'WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG? THESE ARE JUST THREE BUTTONS ON THIS VIEW?' MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER!! GO GET YOUR MOM TO DO THIS WORK THEN IF IT'S JUST THREE BUTTONS. TO HIM EVERYTHING IN IOS WHICH INCORPORATES A TAP IS A FUCKING BUTTON! BUTTON THIS! BUTTON THAT! AND IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS SIMPLE DESIGNS..NO.NO.NO.NO. THIS ASSHOLE-SHAPED-HEAD MUGGET DESIGNS SHIT WHICH REQUIRES ME TO HAVE TO DRAW A UIVIEW AS THE SHAPE OF A HUMAN BODY AND HEART. THEN ASIDE FROM THAT, JUST BECAUSE MY RESUME SAYS I MINORED IN MATH AND APPLIED MATH, HE SENDS ME A PAPER THAT EXPLAINS MATHEMATICAL CONCEPTS OF DATA ANALYSIS THEN WANTS TO MEET WITH ME TO DISCUSS THE SUGGESTED METHODS THEN IMPLEMENT THEM. AT THIS POINT I HAD ALREADY IMPLEMENTED AN ALGO FOR COUNTING THE NUMBER OF STEPS THAT WAS WAY WAY WAY MORE ACCURATE THAN THE SHIT THEY HAD IN THEIR CONTROLLER..

SO AS I AM ABOUT TO FINISH IMPLEMENTING JUST THE INITIAL 5 VIEWS OF THIS 'FINAL' APP, HE SERIOUSLY WALKS IN AND TELLS ME, SO I'M STARTING TO WORRY THAT WE'LL NOT MEET THE AUGUST DEADLINE SO I'M THINKING MAYBE YOU SHOULD START SWITCHING BETWEEN DEVELOPMENT. WORK ON IOS FOR 4 HOURS THEN SWITCH TO ANDROID FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE TIME. OH AND UHH IF YOU FEEL LIKE TAKING THE IMAC WITH YOU TO WORK FROM HOME, THAT'S FINE AS WELL AND I'LL BE AVAILABLE IN THE WEEKENDS AS WELL. IT WAS AT THIS MOMENT THAT I REALLY REALLY HOPED I WERE GAY! LIKE 'NO LUBE' STYLE KINDA GAY!! OH BTW AT SOME POINT HE HAD ME PROGRAM ONE OF THEIR CONTROLLERS, AND WAS ASKING IF I COULD START RESEARCHING MEANS OF WRITING AN SDK FOR THEM.

KEEP IN MIND THAT I'M AN INTERN WITH ONE YEAR IOS DEV EXPERIENCE.. THEN HE WANTS ME TO ENTIRELY START LEARNING ANDROID AND GIVE HIM TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THIRD APP IN TWO WEEKS.

HE CAN GO SUCK HIS OWN DICK WHILE GETTING FINGER FUCKED BY A FORK WITH A BLUE WHALE'S 6FT LONG DICK UP HIS MOUTH.

*** that felt good ****

Maaaaaaaa man has been programming in Swift since 1997; assuming the description was written this year.

To put that into perspective, that's two years after the founding of both Java and JS.

I'm sure he's programming with his mind right now while we mere mortals are waiting for it to be standard by 2120 😭

Finally recruiters can hire someone with 20 years of Swift experience. This position has been void for awhile now... Catch up guys!

Hats off to you man!!!!

How did no one @ the Onedrive team not spot this before being put to production?

SWIFT!!!!! I understand that you're a relatively new language so I forgave you for all of your wrong doings..BUT WHAT THE FINGER IS THIS SHIT YOU HAVE IMPLEMENTED IN YOUR STRING DATATYPE? WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU FORM A CHARACTER FROM AN EMPTY STRING? AND WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAPPENED TO THE SUBSCRIPT OPERATOR? WHY NOT JUST ADOPT THE "\0" AS OTHER LANGUAGES? But NOOOOO...We're Apple we'll not adopt it..I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT STUPIDITY AND LUCK OF INNOVATION RAN IN THE IPHONE TEAM BUT APPARENTLY ITS EVERYWHERE..Its annoying because the String datatype is one of the most common and basic data types so the last thing you expect is this shit..APPLE........SERIOUSLY AND SINCERELY FUCK OFF

No Wi-Fi = No Food.. Great motivation to pay your internet bill on time... This 'smart' shit is going way too far lol..

I just received this gem this morning.
First of let me start by saying that I am against scammers and all this Nigerian prince crap.
But some of this shit is so bad that it actually pisses me off. My intelligence feels insulted.

Look at this email. These fuckers spent hours perfecting the Hotmail feel to it. The logo, design and even font are in par. As I started reading the shit, the spelling mistakes are so obvious that I wondered; do these nut suckers know that whatever email editor they use, it autocorrects for you? Are they just ignoring the recommendations? I mean they could've even used the "Did you mean" feature in Google. Or any of the freely available grammatical check sites out there.

Think of this as plagiarism. It's bad but a majority of us can appreciate a well planned out one.

I'm yet to encounter a really good scam email that almost had me click their link. There's always an obvious stand out! Is there like a copyright holder to a perfectly well put scam email?!

(And yes, you just read a rant about someone complaining that scammers aren't doing a great job)

Ohhh Apple.... At this point you might as well change your logo to 🖕 with the motto, "Apple, coz FUCK YOU"

Well that escalated!!

When you give a Deep Learning scientist a clean whiteboard.

This is literally 5 minutes into the second section of the class 😂😂

Just another day strolling down SO Review lane.. The post looks A-OK to me :)

I know this is kinda late but it just came in this morning..

With the current codebase I'm working with, it's not that bad of an option...😉

Well, guess that's it for the day 😊

That moment when you realize your keyboard searches are proudly brought to you by this guy..? It makes sense for Bing to be used in Wordflow but here?! Well, guess whose visits are gonna skyrocket soon...😂

So this happened a few days ago.

Me: (chilling like a mo'fucka then suddenly an email alert)

*Opens email and realises it's from a recruiter*

Recruiter: We are a venture-based startup out of LA, funded by a top VC. We have developed the first turnkey Serverless Swift platform for app development.

We are looking at expanding our team and we have a few different openings for remote and contract work.

Simply reply to this email with your resume attached.

Me: Thanks for reaching out and presenting me with this opportunity.

I plan on going back to school this January and for that reason I humbly have to bow out.

I will surely keep an eye out for {company_name}. The idea is rather interesting I should say.

*I go back to chilling like a mo'fucka*

*The next day I'm at work, I get an email from the same recruiter again*

Recruiter: Thank you for submitting your resume.

We are expanding our team and are looking for Swift rockstars to join the movement of bringing server-side Swift to the masses.

We were impressed by your resume and wanted to get to know you better. This survey is the first step in that process.

Please take a moment and complete. It should not take longer than 10 minutes.

Me: ...........................
*Calmly walks away from my desk to the bathroom*

WHAT FUCKING RESUME HAVE I SUBMITTED TO YOU? BITCH, MY EMAIL EXPLICITLY SAID: THANKS BUT NO THANKS...

You can't just force an applicant

Just stumbled on this little gem.

Apple's logic: 1+2+3 = 23

At this point I think Apple has just given up on quality. They are all about aesthetics nowadays.

#onlyApplewillmessupacalculator

Guess who's research just got more interesting 😂

I wonder how many nudes were investigated by the authors during this research

FUUUUUUUUCK!!! Even the compiler has given up on this codebase! And it's still 2PM..............ON A MOTHERFUCKING MONDAY

Stumbled on this earlier today on campus! #cssinreallife

Oooooh ooooh let the battle begin.
Richard Hendricks would approve of this 😜

I've never written any unit tests for any apps/programs I've developed.

I would tell myself, this time you're going to create some and be a better developer by doing so. I end up just creating the file and that's it.

Most of the bugs are discovered during the user testing phase so I always end up being lazy writing unit tests.

I write very defensive code though so that helps a little but all in all, it's a very bad habit that I need to snap out of

Anybody else experienced this massive of a memory bottleneck when using Google Maps' iOS SDK?

Seriously Google you already own 90% of my RAM.. Now you wanna own 98% of the entire size of my app?
I didn't even know Github dropped files larger than 100MB..

A majority of the bosses/PMs/supervisors tend to be soo stupid and lack the knowledge of the actual problem's complexity so they expect you to hit keys and voila, project done.. It gets on my nerves big time.

@dfox I'm just wondering what are you guys saving on disk that your data is 50X the size of the app and seems to have no plans of shrinking in size? Are you guys literally saving every rant?

Do you believe in Spanky? I hope so, because Spanky is the one and only true being that made the universe and all of us.

If you don‘t believe in Spanky you will go to hell and will be tortured for all eternity.

Spanky loves you and has a personal relationship with every one of you.

The evidence for the existence of Spanky is everywhere and completely undeniable.
Just look at the trees. Aren’t they great?

Also We have the Spanky Bible, written by Spanky himself which says that Spanky exists. That is historical evidence right there.

Spanky is completely invisible and can’t be heard or touched, but you need to believe anyways.
Spanky chose to be hidden, even though he has made himself apparent to his people in the past, as it says in the Spanky Bible, which is true. Spanky wants to test your faith, so that you believe in him without evidence. Believing without evidence is a virtue and the requirement for being a good person.

Speaking of good person, if you don’t believe in Spanky, you not only go to hell for your sins, you also are a very evil person without morality. Because morality can only come from Spanky.

So, please, for the sake of your eternal soul, believe in Spanky.

!rant.
Any awesome ios project ideas for the weekend? Tired of reading research papers.