as corporate hits you with a stick and itemizes all your weaknesses to puppeteer you with them, one gets stressed and burnt out therefore it is the new fad for hip corporate to suggest meditation, yoga, mindfulness, etc stuff

have you encountered any of your co-workers going so hardcore into meditation they started to think they were aliens or gods or something? what's up with that?

ohno I'm rewriting that async proxy swarm thing again

third time's the charm, right?

brain's a bit better so maybe I'll get rid of the weird mystery async hanging error this time...

and this time I'll have one persistence object instead of 4 scripts that all juggle loading the same files without running into each other through sheer wit (which now I'm so unsure of 😭, so fragile!). thanks tui

and there's a logging library called tracing that would let me access logs of innermost libraries if I log using tracing instead of print lines, then I can subscribe to the logs and get them in the tui to debug with them and bam. let's see how it goes. might work well for debugging async code. it's built to handle async logging actually

I'm not sure why a lot of rust libraries are a mess but with power of gp5 writing me demos I'm ticking along even if I run into dead ends... like how I gotta do my own text wrapping in tuis and it won't work with ansi codes. eesh. but that was only a couple hours detour of confusion at least instead of me getting too frustrated with it. I came up with a solution that works good enough and wasn't too fancy, phew

been noticing a pattern with my brain issues that now when I'm trying to manually critically think people keep insulting me and dismissing me by saying I'm overthinking...

maybe that's why nobody critically thinks anymore. just gets hammered out as "yeah nobody wants to hear that"

well I'm sorry I can't have Internet thoughts inside my own head due to the brain damage. it helps me to talk it out. annoying. and you could contribute to the discussion by actually contributing. who are you to say I don't want to be having this thinking?

to contact aliens you have to evolve enough as a species to be psychic which humans are largely not very good at

and the psychically practicing humans don't know about aliens...

this is pretty funny to me rn

the universe is indeed vast and beautiful, even in your own backyard 😝, every time!

best command line / textual UI library in rust

still tons of bugs and useless things, when doing even basic stuff

why is it so lauded I don't know

foreboding

the fact nobody has made techno/trance/psytrance/frankly any music out of solfeggio "healing" frequencies is wild to me

come on people what

classic scale is so boring

ooooh I like GPT5. it's so caaaaalming

ask AI for some sample code cuz lazy

it's busted

come back pointing out the busted

it says I'm close but I fucked up here and here

I DIDNT FUCK UP RAAGHHH

every time. I am getting triggered by inappropriate blame of an AI now. sigh

when humans do it it drives me up the wall. I'm not ok being someone's scapegoat. you can call me lazy but you can't say I made those mistakes. I'm just too lazy to read the docs because they're ridiculous so I want the AI to find the specific use case in the docs for me... siiigh

these drugs make me feel suffering to such a degree I can't really complain about the suffering that is needing to run 3 scripts instead of just having 1 holistic terminal

I would rewrite this mess finally cuz I'm feeling like it but if I sit still I want to scream because of the suffering of sitting still, so

also why the shit did my headless chromium stop working. I hate. works on my machine but not the "server" machine. sigh why. was there some config I need to set up for chrome. I don't even

tmux I love you

urgghhh this old laptop doesn't have a working shift key

also it's sticky. eeeeee

thankfully there's 2 shift keys but talk about awkward

just gotta dump ssh on it and find out if it can run rust or not. God this thing is slow. was top of the line 10 years ago when this business guy bought the best laptop he could find, now somehow barely runs arch. crazy

heh what if you make an ad that does no horror or coercion but makes anyone who sees it buy your product out of compulsive, OCD-like terror

do you think they would care about ads doing subliminal hacking of brains

I feel like this is when mods ban me for not the rules

I find your lack of capitalism to be... disturbing

wow tarot cards have a solution to hobby programming projects

just always stuck in 3 of wands, forever

cuz 5 of wands sucked. so then I started avoiding 4 of wands to never get to 5. and then you just get stuck planning forever at 3.

5 is when communities of people come with their own ideas and cause self doubts in you, override you. 4 is respite/pride/reveling and feeling comfortable in your idea/quest and seeking out a community base to share it with

guess in the end it's always that people suck and nobody can do anything alone. mega lame!

urgh I want someone to help me with my job PTSD by like letting me talk to them as I try to choose one and figure out my neurosis and just do some comforting words or something

but they're thinking of doing it next week when my boyfriend will get his passport next week and I wanna spend 3 weeks with him unemployed just chilling when he finally visits 🥺

skipped my meds yesterday night by accident and just got the best sleep I've had in a month. yeah fuck these things

and they lied to me and told me they were sleeping meds the first time even tho that was unnecessary to be doing and they're not prescribed for sleep

I hate the medical field. that's so fucking gross

downside of being magically healed by people is I don't have the brain to learn magic (maybe it's the drugs honestly...) so I'm ravenously dependent on this guy to do another round so I can gain more brainpower

fucking hell

I don't like dependence

also every time he does this I feel like I've been sutured for 1-3 days. and I gotta be careful and not pull at them. how the hell do you do that with a brain? that's gonna be so fucking bad. "just don't think at 145 iq horsepower" tehe.

AND he says it's experimental. and what the fuck he says he's only this good at healing due to past mistakes... I might end up a vegetable. but I'm already a fucking vegetable. fuck

upside, he fixed my nervous system back to having endurance for emotions and stress so I'm not fucked up from thinking all this. yay some resilience for once after 3 years of hell

one guy thinks I survived a paradoxical collision of time magic. that doesn't make sense why the shit would I have hit a fucking time traveling universe. then he changed his mind thinking failed possession. this makes more sense to me but who the fuck would've wanted to possess me. fucking Christ. and could they not have melted my nervous system having tried to do so. mean as shit.
I still think it was a hex. I think it was a death hex actually.

thanks for coming to the weirdest shit ever Ted episode

my tarot cards basically say good luck, too. nothing happened. you had a bunch of energy, you made a bunch of money, now you can sit at home and think about stuff, effect the world with yourself as you see fit, and either be a judgemental prick or a righteous prick. this is basically a retirement plan.

micortears in brain
guy is repeatedly aghast at the damage and genuinely worried about me every time
lol

modern therapy and psychology is just autistically trying to figure out what the soul wants

zzzzz

have you tried just not murdering it in the first place tho

humans like to put other humans into negative and self-limiting emotions a lot

are YOU in a codependent relationship with your laptop?!

how 2 make chocolate into a healthy food

sigh I miss it. bad stuff happens if I eat it. so sad

just say no to heat

heat cannot enter your home if you say no

ARE YOU SAYING NO PROPERLY?!

Moroccan hot sauce, my maaannn

argghh no auto format standards on JavaScript

also though libraries breaking for no reason because no types _I guess_

I haven't coded in so long I'm actually starting to miss it

I wish dev work was about the tech, the logic, the architecture

but annoyingly it's always about people

it annoys me we can't feng shui our tech

we started with the ability to but over time corporate overlords tell you how all your GUI looks and now there's ads on windows start menus

granted I just want feng shui on my android -- but android is a disaster now. and I miss WebOS gestures that nobody ever reproduced

I also still want custom chat apps. like you css your own and it's just a chat protocol. but we re-inventing email here I suppose

welcome back, folks

now I can't make little snippy lines at people's posts

they're not meant to be big enough to be their own post 😩